Sunday, September 26, 2010

A Fairy Tale, Dashed

'T'were hot in the redwood forest, darlin's, and very HOT here at home on the coast of California. I read a bit, wrote a bit, dozed some, ate some, hiked some, ogled LOTS of lovely river stones and brought a few home.

While I lark about in Big Sur, Rachel takes TFE's Poetry Bus on its world tour. She asks for a poetic version of children's stories. Here would be my take on that, and my inventive fellow riders will be here.


The Last of the Hard-Lost Fairy Tales


Who be I
Cinderella?
that dreamed of more than ashes
that from them ashes fashioned
that coach/that gown/them crystal shoes
what she would later slyly lose
(what left Prince Charming asking whose)
that waltzed within them castle walls
that cinder girl that wowed them all
yeah, that wench that won the charming prince—
she done been happy ever since?

I be unconvinced
that they be times when magic pass
and vision don’t return to ash
that wanting get what waiting won’t:
Ain’t saying that it can’t.
Am saying that it don’t.

25 comments:

Brian Miller said...

some fun word play chris...had to reread the second part several times to get it..

martine said...

Very concise debunking of the myth, not tired and jaded, just telling it like it is.
thanks for sharing
martine

the walking man said...

Miss Muffett
sitting on her tuffet
trying to be Zen.

When along comes a spider
and pushes some mush
in a bowl at her.

Losing her mood of meditation
she made a great SPLAT!! "here son of a bitch a permanent vacation!"

Then she went and ate
a huge 62 ounce piece
of prime Kobe steak!

Karen said...

What a distinctive voice and take on this old story! I love the realism here, Chris. The use of "them" is perfect for the Liza Doolittleish Ella!

Helen said...

'wanting get what waiting won't' ~ my favorite line. Beautifully written ...

Scott said...

geeze Chris, I love how you wrote this... I can only hope to aspire someday :-)

Jinksy said...

I like this country bumpkin Cinders...

The Bug said...

This reminds me of how I feel about the lottery - I buy a ticket every week, but I don't want to win the whole shebang. I'm just looking for enough to pay off all our bills. Otherwise the dream just seems to big to be real...

Jessica Maybury said...

I love cinderella! lovely rhyming in this one

Totalfeckineejit said...

An interesting one Chris, needs to be read a few times.I like especially the last few lines with that sort of staccato delivery.Cool beans!

Peter Goulding said...

Love the colloquialism of this. Wanting gets what waiting won't, indeed! Very original...

MuseSwings said...

Marvelous! Ain't saying that it ain't - just saying that it is!

Enchanted Oak said...

With all them double negatives, Cinderella's final lines be hard to get. Here be what she's sayin' but it ain't poetic:
Is it possible for the magic moment to pass but the vision of it, or experience of it, to remain? Is it possible that you'll get what you want simply by wanting it so much? For Cinderella, both those possibilities come to pass: The prince does indeed come looking for her, carrying her shoe, and indeed she does get what she wants (to attend the party in the first place) just by the force of wanting it so much, because her desire conjures up the magical appearance of the fairy godmother.
My rewritten Cinderella believes that in the real world, magic moments pass away and so does the idea of magic, and her experience tells her that simply wanting something is no more likely to achieve it than just waiting around for it.
The stanza is pretty much a failure if it's so obscure that I need to explain it. I've always liked the closing (easy for me to say because I know what I mean in those lines). Maybe this difficulty is why this poem lives in my reject file.
Cheers! Chris

Titus said...

Hello EO, Real-life-Fairy-Godmother. Stunning poem - the sounds that the ear loves,
"that dreamed of more than ashes
that from them ashes fashioned"
the repetitions and that oh-so-well-realised voice.

Class act this one, and takes us way beyond the fairy tale. Loved it, admired it!

Oh, just read your comment above. No problems with understanding, and do not use the word failure around this poem. It says it right, with the right economy and language.

izzy said...

" She done been happy ever since" I'm glad it were a question!
I had a terrible time landing on favorite island- too many visitors...

RNSANE said...

I think it is a delight. Of course, I had to read it several times....but, of course, the tale is familiar to me.

Niamh B said...

Very interesting accent and evocative atmosphere, nicely done

Gerry Snape said...

Like your take on this girlies psyche, she definitely was not what disney thought...and LOVE that accent.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I just don't know how all this creativity resides in you so eloquently...it is a true miracle, you are a miracle indeed...
glad you had some time in the HOT redwoods, and hope that your time home now is as inspiring...
missed and love you

Syd said...

Nice Chris. I am sure that your trip was spectacular. Those river stones are neat.

Magpie said...

Love the to-the-point attitude of this one.....well said.

Argent said...

Flipping Heck! This is my FAVE so far! I can hear it so clearly in my head! Also, a rap. And the ending.... just WOW! My vord verification is pickew and I deifnitely pickew.

Argent said...

Take is OUT of the reject file at once!

D.M.K. said...

love the style and wordplay here...makes one really think about what you're trying to say.

Marla said...

I wish I had your ability to be poetic. What a gift!!

And Big Sur.....I spent so much of my life in those woods. Great memories.

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