Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Just for Today, I’m Sober

To an alcoholic, sobriety is as miraculous as water changing into wine. Because it isn’t one’s natural state, something supernatural has to happen to transform the nature of the beast.

If I forget to honor that supernatural fact, I’ll revert to my natural state. My own life was transformed 21 years ago. Years later, I did forget, and I became water again. That wasn’t fun. I spent three years vacillating ~ water / wine, water / wine, very confusing ~ before I experienced the miracle again.

Today I celebrate a new sobriety anniversary. It’s bittersweet because longevity is a badge of honor among recovering alcoholics. My husband has been sober almost 24 years. I celebrate three years today, and my heart is thankful for that. My competitive spirit isn’t: I coulda been an old-timer!

I’ve had to relearn the method of living in gratitude one day at a time. Yesterday’s gratitude doesn’t keep me sober today, just like yesterday’s food doesn’t feed me today. Yesterday’s food is already shit.

I’m in a state of flux again. It’s not the water / wine thing; it’s happy / sad, content / frightened. I was told last August that the death of my mother would be a life-shifting event. Well. So it is. The future has become uncertain. (Ha! she said, as if it were ever otherwise!)

I read this message this morning in “Twenty-Four Hours a Day,” a daily meditation book:

“We can forget about the future. We know from experience that as time goes on, the future takes care of itself. All we need to think about is today. When we get up in the morning and see the sun shining through the window, we thank God that he has given us another day to enjoy, a day in which we may have a chance to help somebody.

"All is fundamentally well. That does not mean that all is well on the surface of things. But it does mean that God is in his Heaven and that he has a purpose for us. Don’t be upset by the surface wrongness of things, but feel deeply secure in the fundamental goodness of God’s world.”


Susan said...

mmmm... thanks for the reminder.
Just for today.

Always smiling said...

What a wonderful post and wear that badge of honor with pride.
Its no mean feat to overcome any demon... praise indeed.
Love and blessings

Brian Miller said...

all we have is today, we cant change the past, but we can move with as much grace as we can through today...

Fluid Idleness said...

" time goes on, the future takes care of itself." Something very hard to remember, it's easier to worry, that bad habit being gifted to us in our blood. Don't you dare think that just because you had a slip that means that you aren't an old timer. In your heart you've been sober 3 + (previous sobriety number) years. That's what counts.

e said...

Thank you for these reminders and happy third birthday!

Lyn said...

I admire anyone who works so diligently on securing their health, sanity and ultimately their life. It is a lesson we all need to learn - to take responsibility for the life we create. You are living "presently", honouring every moment of sobriety, and thus, every moment of life. Again, we all can learn from this. I send you a big hug on your accomplishment of three years sober. The road is always uncertain, but your commitment is not. Bravo.

Monkey Man said...

Congrats, Chris. We earn those days and in some cases paid dearly for them. 11/6/89.

Magpie said...

I like that your photo shows tulips ready to open and achieve their full beauty. I totally get what you're talking about with your lapse and loss of countable time. It would bug me too. You're handling it like a good sport. To me all those previous years would still count. :)

Dianne said...

Oh, Kitten, I feel old, older than you in this matter. Can you believe that?

This April 11th will be the 3rd anniversary of losing my mom. But with the recent addition of sobriety I feel everything all over again. I go back to the newborn infant seeking comfort in the hospital isolet for two weeks while older brother recovered from measles. We will always miss our mothers, no matter how old or how much seniority we aquire.

Your message is loud and clear. worrying about the uncertainty of tomorrow is ruining my today...

love you,

Zed said...

Dear Chris. Your words touched me deeply today. For many reasons. I salut your commitment to life, to love, to sanity. Three years is a great achievement.I wrote about my mom ( 'you miss them when they are gone') I think you may resonate to what I wrote. Big hug to you and well done again! Zed ( xxx

izzy said...

What a lovely post! So genuine thank you!
I got surrender and thus sobriety in part, because of my Mother's death... It sounds horrible, but it freed me.I could let go.
I know the critical part you speak of:' I could have been an old timer'.
If you wish to resolve that conflict,
you must stay with the thread of that voice; all the way back to the source.
then you will know who said it.
Happy Anniversary! (we don't loose all
the wonderful things we learned 'before') be at peace .

Marion said...

Congratulations, Chris...whether it's one day or three years or 21 really doesn't matter. You did it!!! I have no doubt one of these days you'll be an old-timer, as competitive as you are!

Have a very happy day..

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I read that today too, and yes the loss of your mother will be that life changing event, but it will not define you, it will imbue your spirit with hers and you will eventually grow nearer to her.

Much love

Totalfeckineejit said...

Happy third Birthday!

RNSANE said...

You put things in proper perspective...perhaps, sometimes, in improper perspective! Thanks for that.

Pammie said...

I think 3 years is awesome!!!
Yes, losing our mothers is definitly a life-shifting event.

5thsister said...

Happy Birthday. Mine is August 17. 7 months for me of learning how to live in the moment "just for today". Congratulations. Just remember it is not a competition but rather a daily walk with one's higher power. God bless!

Syd said...

I am glad for you. Being sober is much better than the alternative. Thinking of you.

Marla said...

My sweet friend. You always amaze me. You are honest, sincere, transparent. Qualities that seem to elude so many today.

My mother died 9 years and 31 days ago. Not that I'm counting. Much.