Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Used to Love Torture

Once upon a time, I was addicted to bad relationships. I must have loved torture.
Today I'm grateful that I can choose to have healthy relationships with people. Today I'm grateful to be in recovery, where I have learned everything I know about living life fully and making good decisions.
You know what tortures me today (besides everything that's evil in the world)? Those stupid tags they stitch into clothing, at the neckline, on the waistband, where they rub your tender skin. Who decided that stitching labels to clothing with fishing line was a good idea? Who decided that tags with sharp edges were just the thing to put on a neckline and a waistband? Whoever invented those stupid tags should be sentenced to wearing them all over their body, all day, all night, rubbing, irritating, torturing their stupid hides.

But enough of that. Let's talk about bad relationships. I've had my share. Drama and pain made me feel alive. Shoot, I actually thought suffering was artistic. LOL
I was such an artist at tortured relationships that I wrote this lyric poem about it (Warning: This poem contains rhyme!):

She Must Have Been a Masochist

Gentle jailor, blessed foe,
If you broke this yoke I would not go,
Nor would I were the lock ajar,
The cuffs uncuffed and the lash laid low—
If free of such, I’d not fly far
Before I craved the clutch of iron and chain
And my cold bed, where I have lain
And carved my name in stone
More nights than stars have known.
I know no home beyond these bars and claim
No wish to flee. I can’t abscond.
I have no lord but thee. Your scepter whip
Your reins and key are instruments of sanity.
What meaning lies in the land beyond?

Though my cellar be severe,
Sweet warden, all is clear in here:
These black shackles bond
My pale arms where they belong.
Had I not their iron grip, how should I stand?
How should I know the sun had dipped
Beneath the edge of land, without that
Slanting scrap of light?
How should I sense without your whip
To cut me as it kisses,
To burn me as it lays me bare,
Pealing has it hisses through the air?

My nerves have come to love the pain.
My neck would break without the chain.
I choose it so. I bear your mark.
My eyes have grown to love the dark.

Chris Alba (c) 2009


Tall Kay said...

We should compare notes sometime. I have a very broken picker...actually they always picked me. No more drama...that's my new mantra.

Lou said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by, and welcome. I cut those tags out...I can't stand them!

Relationships are much better these days, but I've learned a few lessons the hard way.

Paula said...

Glad to found you and wont leave without a comment. I really needed to here that today. Hugs across the pond

Cheri said...

I saw your comment over at Madison's blog: Addiction-InGodWeTrust. It said you were looking to connect with people in recovery and that you are new to the blog world. You also wondered if you were being pathetic to ask her to visit your blog. Absolutely not! And I decided to visit too!

I love your poem and I suspect we have a bit in common, as I used to find myself in bad relationships too.

I am with Glass House Ministries, and if you pop over to our blog and click on the icon at the top right, Freedom to Live ~ Nothing to Hide, you can find out more about us.

Give us a visit. Love to see you there,


Syd said...

I think that most of the clothing is made in China or Phillipines. Perhaps the labels are cheap. I mostly wear stuff that doesn't have scratchy labels.

Karen said...

As a fan of the sound of the poem as much as the sense, I find this poem perfect. True talent on display at this blog.