Sunday, February 28, 2010

You Are Who You Are


Me in a marble


“The easiest thing in the world to be is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.”

Leo Buscaglia



I don’t know what a co-dependent is exactly, but I have a feeling that’s because I wasn’t one. I just didn’t like myself.
Having a relationship with my Creator changed all that in a miraculous way.

When I was young, I was bad. That was my role in the family, and that was how I stood vis-à-vis the God I was raised with. Can anybody relate?

Then I had a deep spiritual experience and was reborn. But I still fell terribly short of the requirements my faith dictated. Now God loved me, but I was supposed to live a very spiritual life, and I didn’t do that, so again, I was bad. This went on for decades.

Then I found the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I did the 12 Steps with a sponsor and discovered forgiveness. I discovered my God not only forgave but loved me exactly as I am, imperfect and also very wonderful.

Part of my imperfection is that I really need the affirmation of others to believe that I am okay as I am. I can accept it today, since most other people feel the same way. Acceptance of my humanity makes it possible for me to be me and to let you be you.

Today my intuition is better than it once was, thanks to the Steps. I can feel when I’m not being authentic, when I’m searching more for affirmation than I should. I’ve also been blessed because the people I’m close to also accept me as I am, and they don’t require me to be other than that.

Do you believe you’re good just as you are? Are you glad you are who you are?
~~~~~~~

25 comments:

the walking man said...

I am good to go and who else could I be other than me? Ordering the "me" to fit the being of what one is meant to be is the key.

I have ever found that if I order my world around the spiritual then all the human cares and needs become easily acquired. Food, clothing, shelter all of these things are generally given to all the sentient life on the planet, we make our mistakes when we struggle for what is right in front of us. The thing we look for is satisfaction and contentment in what we have. The disruption is found in desiring strongly what we do not, and is not ours to own.

Brian Miller said...

grace is an amazing gift...freely given, though hard to recieve...or give ourselves sometimes. i am happy with who i am, quirks and all.

Scott said...

hi Chris :-) I know I have work to do but I am comfortable with most of who I am. There are still some objectionable parts of me but geeze compared to the mess I was prior to entering AA and recovery, I am well on my way to perfection :-)

Marcia said...

I do believe that I am good just as I am but I don't believe that I am as good as I'm going to get...

Woman in a Window said...

See? This is why I kinda reject that first statement. It takes a lifetime, or half a lifetime, of work to find out who we really are, doesn't it, in a way? The core of me existed before but then I didn't really know myself and allowed other influences, invited them, really. It has been work to become me and not everybody is pleased with the results. I haven't been at time and then there is more work to be done, more acceptance to take place. It has not been easy to allow myself to be. But now, a little older, a little wiser, I'm doing alright. I think it is no easy task for anyone to be human but if we support one another, the task becomes easier. Perhaps that is what you got through AA.

I'm glad you've found a place of comfort with yourself.

(Boy, first thing Sunday morning and without coffee! I'm not sure I've made any sense at all!)

xo
erin

Karen said...

We are so formed and affected by our childhoods. If only every parent knew, as they are struggling through their days, that they are profoundly and eternally affecting their children's inner peace, they might put aside their own demons in order not to implant them in the psyches of their babies.

Your role in the family was to be the bad one. How would you have lived differently if you had been the good one? Would your burdens have been less? I believe so.

Did I answer your question? Yes and no. The answer as it relates to me? Just as I am? No, I am human. Who I am? Yes. Greatly blessed.

Kim A. said...

I think my journey is all about learning (or unlearning) to see and love myself as my Creator did and does. I am extremely grateful that I am who I am. I have a part in the Universe and I have what I need when I *remember*!

Namaste (I love the word authentic!)

Syd said...

I am glad that I am me. I am grateful for all the gifts I have been given. I celebrate who I am today. Great post Chris.

Secretia said...

I feel pretty good myself, I found some happiness partly by helping others.

Secretia

TechnoBabe said...

I do now. I like myself now and for the first time in my life I can look at my face in the mirror and see the entire face, not just fix the eyebrows or cut the hair, but really look at me.

Patty said...

I have my good and my bad days. I keep trying to remember what Louise Hay says, that everything we think and say is an affirmation. So if I think and speak positive/negative, the universe hears me, and responds accordingly.

Dianne said...

Your writing is a gift to all who need moderation, life one day at a time, forgiveness, and release.
Peace, Chris.
I'm still wondering where my macro is on my camera! Ha!
Di

Enchanted Oak said...

Everyone is so interesting so early in the morning!
I want you all to know that Kim A. is the source of the word "authentic" in this post today, since she used it the other day on her blog and I loved the meaning and the sound of it in my mouth. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

All the comments here are food for thought. Walking Man's point, that satisfying the spiritual need first supplies all the others, is powerful. I'm thankful for those who point out that we get even better with time and practice.
Erin explains that our youthful inexperience almost invites outside influences since we're not born gifted with a lot of self-knowledge, and it takes age and work to discover who we are. Amen, sister. I understood you even without coffee.
And thanks to Karen for reminding us parents to be gentle with our children's psyches, to put aside our own demons for their sake.

It is so good to see the things you reveal about yourselves here. Secretia is right on: Getting out of ourselves is key to our happiness. Patty says self-talk matters, and I believe that too.
Your gratitude and self-acceptance (humanity and quirks and all) are inspiring to me.

Magpie said...

It is hard to be "me" sometimes for all of us. We're so concerned with being what everyone else wants us to be for acceptance and validatiion. As I've grown older and hopefully wiser, I've learned I need to supply the acceptance and validation through my understanding of God's love for me. There is always room for improvement and growth, but I'm happy where I am.


Congrats on the towhee...all I've seen in my yard is the Abert's Towhee. He's funny to watch - digs around in the dirt. :)

Felicitas said...

A wonderful post! I can absolutely relate to what you are saying here. This is a battle I have fought my whole life. While I am very happy with the person that I am becoming, I am also aware of how others are not so happy with that... oh, well...

Realliveman said...

We can be anything we want. All we have to do is think about it. But we are who we are not by what others define us as, but how we define ourselves.

RNSANE said...

I certainly am not always satisfied with myself. At 65, I've come to be more accepting since I don't think I'm going to change too much at this stage of the game. I realize I am NOT a bad person. One of my faults, if you can call it that, is that I have always tended to put the needs of others...all others, before my own. Learning to say no and looking after myself has not been an easy task and it is one I have been learning to do in my "senior" years. After all, I don't have too many left. I am having to learn not to feel guilty about that. I can still care for others but I must care for me FIRST!

sarah said...

I know exactly what you ,mean here. Great post... thank you. Sarah

Misty said...

very good post..this is what I´ve been solving for a long time....

Prayer Girl said...

Question: Do I believe I'm good just as I am? Am I glad I am who I am?

Answer: I'm getting there. After 24 years of recovery I am so much closer. I am happy today with who I am. I accept my imperfections and am willing to work on them. Most days, I am glad I am me.

PG

Dulce said...

I'd say the easiest to me is to be what others have always wanted me to be... I am working on the first...

Titanium said...

"The time will come when,
With elation, you will greet
yourself
Arriving at your own door...

You will love again
the stranger

Who was yourself.

-Derek Walcott

I can say this about that: I have made friends with the stranger in the mirror.

Love is holding on and letting go- in equal parts, imperfectly.

Knowing this, I value who I am, what I bring to the table of life- and I live with open hands.

God Whispers In The Wind said...

I am slowly getting to know the real me. Enjoyed this post EO. Be grateful you do not know what co-dependency is. Blessings and hugs to you.

pattinase (abbott) said...

I am what I am but that's not all I will be.

Susan said...

I am glad I am who I am but I've just begun scratching at the surface to dig down to the real original. Many years of being an unknowing co dependent had me believing I was only fine if you were. Now I know I am fine even if you're not and that it's okay. A work in progress. That's me.

Albert Einstein Quotes