Just when you think your efforts are futile and Nobody Is Listening, a speck of hope appears on the horizon. It gives you enough juice to keep on keeping on.
Back in the beginning of January, the church that allows us use of its space for monthly poetry readings had a special Epiphany celebration. To bring home the concept of wise men following the star to find enlightenment, the church had paper stars all over its walls. On each one was printed a word that its members were to ponder through the coming year. Even we poets were encouraged to pick a star off the wall to take home. This is what my star says:
Since my post before last about giving up, two different attorneys are pondering my mother's case. Whether anything comes of that, it doesn't matter. Just the fact of their interest right now is enough to keep me moving onward. It ain't over till the fat lady sings.
Life is sometimes like that. A situation bothers me and nothing seems to effect change, not prayer, not action, not consultation with experts or crystal balls. Plodding forward is dismal and takes more energy than I think I have.
Then the bright spot appears on the horizon. I'm reinfused with hope for change. Maybe the time isn't right, right now. Maybe I have more inner resources than I thought. Maybe the Creator is saying, "Not yet," or "Not that," or "Something else is coming down the pike, so strengthen those feeble knees and endure another day."
This has happened before. I often don't know how to pray or what to pray for, so I use my judgment and pray for what seems fair or good or pain-relieving. (Mostly pain-relieving!) But since I don't have a Master's in Omniscience, I'm not qualified to act like God. I forget that sometimes.
I guess that's why we're supposed to pray only for God's will and the power to carry that out.