Saturday, July 3, 2010

You Guys Have Funny Taste

Little-known sad facts about odd potatoes who lack names: They'll snuggle up to anything in an effort to fit in.

They bow before stone idols, begging for somewhere to belong.

They tend to be runaways.

They will hock your china if you aren't careful.

They try to pair up with unsuitable eggs.

They identify with anything called hens and chickens.

They look for love in all the wrong places

consoled only by cats like Kate here who practice active listening techniques

and put up with the odd nuzzle.


Floggers have blown to the rescue!
In the spirit of camaraderie and ridiculousness, worthy souls have gathered here today in the sight of God and everybody to join together a nameless crazy potato, rescued from the compost heap just in the nick of time right before it became mashed, YES! I said we are gathered here together to join this oddest of potatoes, veritably shaped by the adversity it has endured in the slings and arrows of the compost heap, truly a garbage dump if you want to know the truth, YES! Can I have an AMEN? I said we floggers have done the spiritual equivalent of circling the wagons around this poor little spud, proving once again that COMMUNITY can accomplish what mortal Self cannot, and what is that? you ask, I will tell you: we can touch the stars! YES! The stars, I tell you! The dark matter of this universe is ours to bridle and steer into tomorrow, and at our helm, ladies and gentlemen, rides the Unknown Tater! And he shall be known among us! Amen! We are gathered here together to join this most hapless, yet surely most fortuitous, spud of unknown origin, whose ways are not our ways, YES! who is indeed as far removed from our ways as it is possible to be removed and yet still be within the circle of holy wagons, we shall join this very potato to the name we bestow upon it with pride. It is with great pleasure, thereby and heretofore, that we baptize, this very day, this most unusual and splendiferous of spuds, whose gender and genealogy we cannot know, indeed perhaps should never know, and shall consider henceforth without prejudice to be a neutral party, YES! we baptize thee, oh weirdest spud, in the name of all that is holy to potatoes everywhere, with an equally, indubitably weird NAME:


(P.S. I voted for Spud.)


Woman in a Window said...

Chris, I do believe you have gone bonkers - in the best of ways. Ha!


Carrie Burtt said...

That Yukon Cornelius really gets around doesn't he. I think the name fits him well. Love the post.
By the way I have a little something for you...check out my blog it is under the post "thank you Ruth".

Beth said...

Hahaha! You just made my day!

Marion said...

This was great! Really great! I can almost feel and hear the timbre in your words!

I am becoming attached to this sweet little potato. All he needs is love...

Monkey Man said...

You're scaring me with this potato obsession. You are also very clearly the potato paparazzi. Poor Yukon must feel it never has a private moment.

Anonymous said...

Oh Little Yukon Cornelius, one day soon you will grown an eye, or three, and leave us to go out and see the world! - G

Enchanted Oak said...

Dear Monkey Man,
According to Rule #62 of the fellowship protocol, Section A, Paragraph 0.05, and ibid et al, ergo sum: this blogger is not allowed to take life seriously.

It's either follow the potato or find a way to sue the pants off the hospital that held my mother hostage. (See Evil things hospitals can do to you)
The Potato Paparazzi

Sam Liu said...

Yukon certainly is a unique name! And also rather wonderful, I think your crazy potato rather suits it :D

Syd said...

Good choice! I hope he doesn't become a little soft.

tony said...

young YUKON CORNELIUS is a chip off the old block

Dianne said...

Dear paparazzi,
you have captured Yukon, or YC's, essence in that last regal photo.
The lighting captures the pride and vision of the name.....
congratulations, proud parent of a potato!

I was looking forward to this post all day...i need a life like YK's

Ha! happy 4th!

Magpie said...

Amen, Sister!! Welcome to the flock young, Yukon Cornelius! Where's the revival tent? I know there must be a revival around here somewhere. :) Have a wonderful weekend!!

lakeviewer said...

If the spud only knew how it tickled you!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is absolutely great...I LOVE the pictures. I have a goddess doll I made at a retreat once and took all sorts of photos with her doing all sorts of things at the retreat...she was very active indeed. Much like Ms.Spuddle in the photos...

Great name by the way...

Love you and thank you for the smiles and grins today!!!

Titus said...

I almost laughed my socks off at the photos, and then actually did at the sermon. Feet fell off once the name was revealed.
But actually, it kind of suits him.
You or Yuk for short?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Preach, Sister, preach!!
That is one mighty fine sermon suitably cracked and witty, I likes it muchly! And I too would have voted for Yukon Cornelius, a fine name for a fine potato.

But I worry that his potatoness won't last foe ever.Then what will we do!!???

Will there be a funeral?

Marla said...

This is too funny!!! Poor little confused potato needs a friend.

Scott said...

oh Chris, priceless... :-) I've enjoyed this brief venturing "off the beam..."

good old Yukon Cornelius! Such a cute fellow... YC is blessed to have such a kind and compassionate caretaker!