Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Why Is There Air?


Curious phrases that pop into my mind first thing in the morning: Why is there air?

That one came out of the deep dark past. Way back in my prehistory, Bill Cosby put out a comedy record (remember those?) that we kids thought was hysterical. In one of the bits, Cosby says his kids come up with impossible questions. Why is there air? they ask him. He doesn’t know, and in frustration he says, “There’s air to blow up basketballs!!”

I realize this morning that I’ve been harboring a few impossible questions myself. They’ve been buzzing just below the radar so I’m not aware of them but they’ve been influencing my attitude.

I walk around in serious pain all the time now. This past week I learned parts of my spine are falling apart. Meanwhile, I’ve been very busy combing through my mom’s medical records and sending stuff off to my friendly law professor. That has forced me to deal with health-care facilities and the Privacy Act. And every time I use the keyboard on my computer, the cursor jumps around maniacally so I waste tons of time correcting its random acts of violence, not to mention the hours searching the web for solutions.

This morning, as I look out window at the foggy landscape and hear the question “Why is there air?” in my head, I realize something important: In the shadows of my conscious mind, I’m asking impossible questions of the universe.

Why did my mother get Alzheimer’s? Why did that doctor treat her so abominably in the emergency room that night? Why are my computer’s cursor and mouse misbehaving? Why do I have to deal suddenly with disintegrating disks and vertebrae in my neck?

These questions are causing resentment, or they arise from resentment, I don’t know which. Resentment is literally sickening. It makes life uncomfortable, makes my attitude bad, interferes with my relationships, and prevents me from living in gratitude.

Hm. I need to go have an attitude adjustment. Read, pray, get my Higher Power involved in my thoughts. I have a busy day ahead of me and it would be good if I were thankful for the ability to live and be.

17 comments:

Dianne said...

like a conversation we might have had......

gratitude, I forgot.

breath, remember?

love,
Di

Terra said...

Dear bloggy friend, you are going through a tough time, with your disc problem and your mom and the lawyer, etc. I hope 2011 will be a happier healthier year for you.

Monkey Man said...

Why is there air? So we can breath. Something I find helps me meditate and relax. Just sayin'....

izzy said...

Yup attitude adjustment! I can identify with that! yesterday I found myself crabby and impatient- why ? I had a lot on my plate that hadn't appeared to be there when I signed up for that schedule... so by the middle I was crazy!I had automatically made a few adjustments that helped BUT- I needed to really acknowledge what was happening and insert a few more PAUSES.So I shared and went on. I made it through and was only a bit crabby by the end... I managed to be a little grateful too-

Woman in a Window said...

i don't know how to tell you this
but yes,
and come here,
sit a while.


XO
erin

Syd said...

The "why" questions never get me anywhere good. I bypass them and get right to my actions and what I'm going to do about me. Hope that you can release this and just be in the day.

Brian Miller said...

i hear you...and i could use one of those adjustments my self...thanks for the prodding...

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is one of those miracle posts where you realize what is going on and what you need to do, there is the solution! Wow!!

I love it when we know and then we do what we need to.

I wonder why there is air too, good question!

I also understand the being in pain, it is constant right now and my headache is fierce, but I pray that it will go soon!

Love to you
DahaliaFlower

Titus said...

'Resentment is literally sickening. It makes life uncomfortable, makes my attitude bad, interferes with my relationships, and prevents me from living in gratitude.' Penetrating indeed. Having done my share of 'Why Me?'s in the past the older I get the more I realise 'Only Me' can ever make it better. Love and strength to you.

Shadow said...

all part of the grieving process maybe?

Andrew said...

I can relate to having all kinds of serious stuff going on at once.

Take good care Dear One.

Magpie said...

Too much negativity in your life right now...you're right about getting you Higher Power involved.
Light and peace to you today as you make this journey.

Hummingbird said...

When I ask myself those "why" questions, it's usually because I'm trying to understand something that isn't sitting well with me. I want to understand it so I can control it. But lately, I'm trying to work more on being willing to accept things without explanation. It is what it is. And I am always where I'm meant to be, even if I don't get the point. When I ask "why", it means I've just identified something I need to turn over.

Scott said...

God Bless You, my friend. I hope and pray that you find peace and healing through all of this.

Hit me if you need to chat...

You're in my prayers Chris.

Joker the Lurcher said...

my son once asked my husband "what are chins for?" to which my husband, quick as a flash, replied "for holding violins"!

Georgina Dollface said...

I remember reading something (probably in Al-Anon) about imagining that you found a note from your Higher Power on the bus that said, "Don't worry, I've go it covered". I still hold that image in my head to remind myself to get out of my own way. I imagine finding a letter from my Higher Power telling me that it's all good, there is a plan, whether I know it or not. Take care. - G

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Yes, that 'I've got it covered' thing about covers it...it's when I feel like I should be able to control things that gets me frustrated instead of just being glad for some good in the day...

Albert Einstein Quotes