Conquering Fear

I Fear the Back Garden

It’s a jungle out there
dahlias rioting and dying
sunflowers machine-gunning
their seeds like bullets
dog shit and snails
weeds like explosions
bursting out of the soil

I’m afraid to go out there
and I’m on five
brain chemicals trying
to reach stasis after
the downward slide

I need a machete
of the mind or a real
one to wipe out
the enemy, but
the enemy is irrational
and never where
I thought she was,
never who I thought
she was and it turns
out I am not the enemy

Fear is the enemy
and there is no drug
to wipe out fear
You must go
into the jungle
unarmed
if you want to reach
the other side

****
We’re experiencing an Indian summer, with nights in the 40s and days in the 80s. I don’t remember having dahlias blooming in November before. I walked around and took pictures of some to share on my blog today.


It was a victory to do that. I had developed an irrational fear of going to the back garden, afraid to see all the work that needed doing. I didn’t go back there for seven days after my hiatus at the hospital. FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. Once I tackled it, it wasn’t so bad.


So I’m grateful today for these flowers, which I can cut and put in vases all over the house just to see their cheery faces.
I’m grateful that I’m present today and courageous enough to enjoy these moments.
I’m grateful that I feel so good and the time in the psychiatric hospital helped.
I’m grateful for digital cameras. They give instant gratification.
I’m grateful for my great husband, who just washed my car for me.
I’m grateful for stumbling into blogland and finding you people here.