Saturday, November 21, 2009

Killing My Cat

This perfect morning
with sunlight turning leaves
into green stained glass
and with dew trembling
on the grass

brings with it thoughts
of a downed redwood
riding an ocean
of moss and a tall mast
rising from it

the new tree is slender
an idea not yet formed
but it rises in the dusk
from the belly of the boat
in the pure silence
of the forest

and my old cat
on this green morning
trembles like a gray leaf
on a twig caught
in that final moment
before it flutters to the
forest floor.

It is a kindness
to gather her in my arms
for the last loving
terrible thing
but nonetheless
tears seep like rain
in the forest


I read in Syd's blog of his attempts to find something his old friend will eat, and it made me think of my old Asher cat. She grew thinner and thinner, unable to hold anything down even if it appealed to her to eat it.

That final morning, when I had made the decision to take her in for our last journey together, she sat on the couch and watched the outdoors. She was wobbly and thin, dehydrated, but still interested in the outdoors. It broke my heart to gather her up and go to the vet's.

And as things happen in God's world, within days my aunt had found four abandoned young kittens, which she nursed by bottle until they could lap. With my heart heavy, I visited the kittens and said I would think about it.

Three weeks later, I brought home the two female kittens, Katie Cat and Mystery. They've been a source of much laughter these past few months as they get used to the beagles and life here in the household.

One door closes and another opens. I'm grateful that life goes on, with beauty and joy in it, despite the tears and sorrows that weigh on us.


Dianne said...

Geeze, "I get the first line" ..someone wrote today,...a
I can so relate. my kittens look like yours. You capture my orgasmic passion for the light's illumination of the earth:
"This perfect morning
with sunlight turning leaves
into green stained glass
and with dew trembling
on the grass" which I struggle to capture for eternity.
- and just when I say...what did that last line mean? you spill the reality of your vulnerability and the beans of life, you live in my heart....

Tall Kay said...

Those kittens are sooo cute! I really loved the poem and the message of hope. I usually find myself so busy pounding on the door that closed, that I miss the door that is open in front of me!

I got such a giggle out of the comments from is so fun! Hope your day is going well!

Anonymous said...

Awwww, our pets leave their little paw prints on our hearts, and it is often too hard to say farewell. I understand the pain in losing a beloved pet, as I have been there too often. But, hope renews itself in the joys of new birth. It's good that your new ones have brought you joy rekindled. Much love and peace, Chris.

Mama Zen said...

This touched me so much.

big Jenn said...

This post is so full of emotion. I too am truly touched. jeNN

Karen said...

We lost our cat this summer, killed by a racoon, we think. My comfort was in knowing that even though he was fifteen, he still felt like a kitty most days and never felt age or illness. I feel for you, but I'm glad you took the kittens. I haven't taken that step yet.

Woman in a Window said...

Chris, I'm sorry about your cat but am so happy for your new additions. I'm chuckling over here looking at the pictures. They are all play, aren't they? and look at all of them at that window! Somehow, that pleases me vastly.

Your poem is awesome! Awefrickensome.

This: "the new tree is slender
an idea not yet formed
but it rises in the dusk
from the belly of the boat
in the pure silence
of the forest". Herein lies creation and the steady journey of life in the temporal sense, or so it seems to me. Loved it.

(Thank you for sharing my way. I did manage a few more words after my walk, although they're really on literal and nothing much more.)

Gabriella Moonlight said...

What a great tribute to your cat. adn yest I have said to my kiddos that our dogs will only break our hearts once in this lifetime...when we must make the decision of compassion for them.

Thank you Chris, as always you make me think, notice, stop...
Thank you!

Just Be Real said...

Touching post. The never ending revolving door of pain and happiness. One opens one closes. Thank you dear one for sharing. The kitties are adorable. Blessings...

Syd said...

Chris, I've taken that journey so many times with my dogs and cats. I would like to not admit that it's close to the time but it is. I think the journey will be soon.

Steve E said...

...and the door which opens, though it will not delete older memories, it will often enhance them, giving us other paths to trod.

Another great, easy-read post to lighten a heavy heart.

Poetikat said...

You're so prolific, Chris, that I can't keep up!

You broke my heart with this one. I have 4 cats, 3 of which are elders and one of them is getting very bony. Fortunately, she still relishes her food, but more and more she's like an item in "The Glass Menagerie", I fear.

Hope you get this. I forget if your comments are checked first.