Monday, December 7, 2009

Lost Love

I Can Almost Hear You, Love

I cruise the internet looking for you
the voice I need to speak
the words stuck deep
in the throat of the brontosaurus

I find you not but am distracted
by the voices chattering
like so many birds in the pine
outside the house, they shrill

unless I’ve had my morning coffee
and walked the dog and felt
my life unfold, a blanket
keeping in what warmth remains

then the shrill becomes a choir
singing hallelujah I still live
though you do not and while
my throat is stopped yours is not

you speak and sing in some
other place beyond this place
and I can almost hear you, love
The photo is of Tonya, my best pal, planting a spring garden after getting a fatal cancer diagnosis. She would love it that I've written another poem for her. She was over 6-feet tall, fierce and fiercely grateful for life while she had it. She had a story involving a pervert and suicide that was beyond hysterical. I turned it into a poem and someday might post it here if I get the courage. Oh, wait a minute. (Senior moment) I already did! Find it here: How the Pervert Saved Her Life
Here's the first one I wrote for her. This is a two-for-the-price-of-one post.
The Diagnosis

A six-foot Amazon
warrior woman

everything about her is large
Large feet Large breasts (one fake)
Large mouth (fake teeth)

fighter of cancer five times over
never say die

Ferocious as the beast that strikes her again
dammit all to hell

Large heart (broken) Large spirit (tired)

all the fight has gone out of her
for this moment
all the fire gone

She will rise up again and roar/
have faith


Alan Burnett said...

Wonderful poems. Full of meaning, full of memories.

Nessa said...

She looks like and sounds like a magnificent woman and you have written so wonderfully about her.

Giant Crickets Invade Norway

Lou said...

People like Tonya are the heroes we should be looking up to. I would hope I could be so brave in her situation.

the walking man said...

Moments spent in memory is hearing those voices missed, no?

Anonymous said...

Oh Chris, I sense your feelings of great loss for your dear friend! From reading your posts about her, I sense she was a remarkable woman, full of life and courage...

I'm sure she would be ever so grateful for remembering her life in your beautifully written words.

Hugs, dear!

Anonymous said...

Both of these took my breath away. She looks like someone I would have liked to have known.

Dianne said...

i hear your intent, and your praise and your pain. I feel I need to spend less time on blogging sometimes, but the minds and hearts DO connect in so many ways. A door closes and a new one opens.

Shadow said...

she has a good friend in you. lovely poems. absolutely lovely.

Brian Miller said...

so cool the people that come into our lives...your words speak volumes of your fondness. smiles.

Tall Kay said...

She was a beautiful woman and a great friend. She must be so honored by your poems and loving memories. Hold on to the faith that you will hear her voice again one day. Love and hugs to you.

lakeviewer said...

You must miss her terribly. She would have loved the poems.

Anonymous said...

Am glad you could....very fond thoughts you've shared here. Thank You , it was amazing to read.

RNSANE said...

Chris, what a champion she had in you! How special to remember her in your poems and to share her with us.
Damn cancer - we will win this battle someday!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Oh these poems are amazing, the picture is lovely and full of life and joy!!!

She looks like a wonderful woman to have known...glad she knew you!!!

Love you,
Gabi xxoo

Madison said...

This makes me happy just to be alive and sad that your friend lost her battel.

Karen said...

You keep her alive, Chris, by honoring her with your words. I love the last two lines of Lost Love. Beautiful.

big Jenn said...

I'm glad to get to know her through you. She lives so large in your heart. I really like those large gals, you know? jeNN

Akannie said...


Thanks for sharing that, it's beautiful.

~ Tabitha ~ said...

Tonya was so lucky to have you.What a fabulous frienship it sounds like you shared together.
THAT kind of bond,never dies.

Thank you for sharing-great picture!

Syd said...

I'm sad that she died. She must have been a wonderful person and such a strong force. Sad that cancer beats a person down until the fight is gone.