Dense fog makes ghosts of trees lining the parkway. No sun, no sky, no color brighten this bleak place. Even dogs leashed to dedicated owners droop, plodding onward on the sidewalk, joyless.
Then they come, the flock of cedar waxwings. They drift like leaves from trees down to the bushes where the red berries wait. Gobbling seeds, these jaunty bandits change everything. In their red-berry lust, they make even the coldest heart delightedly sing.
Wednesday was a day filled with fear, anxiety, excitement, and sorrow. I had the radio performance to look forward to, with a small group of women friends coming over to support me in my anxiety. I had to take my demented mom out for her Wednesday outing first, so I spent some time in prayer about her. I asked God to give me joy and patience with her infirmity, because she is a cheerful childlike woman whom I used to love deeply. I asked for gratitude for her and love of what she has become. In other words, I prayed thoughts of thanksgiving and acceptance. I took her Christmas shopping, and everywhere she went, she brought joy to clerks and customers alike with her obvious pleasure. My attitude had changed from one of sorrow to one of grace. I was frightened of the radio broadcast, thinking I would sound like a dork. I prayed all the way home prayers of thanksgiving for the opportunity to read in public, thanksgiving for the gift of words. I had invited a lot of my AA friends over to support me. They came and loved me up. I sounded like a dork reading but they assured me it was very fine, powerful in fact. We laughed and told stories, ate Joe's scones and Karen's wonderful tart, drank tea and talked of art and sobriety. I went on my blog and found several of you had listened and it was the cream on the cake. My happiness knows no bounds. My sense of thankfulness runneth over. I walked through anxiety and fear without having to medicate or drink. I'm in a 12-Step program that teaches me how to respond to negative emotions with prayer and gratitude. My Higher Power blesses me richly every day. My God has provided all that I need and blessed me richly besides. I feel more joy than I can stand at this moment, and I thank you for sharing this experience with me. May God bless your day, and make you a blessing to others, too. cheers from chris!
I'm a poet, gardener, and freelance writer who lives in California by the coast, in a small town surrounded by pastures, woods, and vineyards. Other things I am: recovering LA magazine editor and recovering alcoholic, wife of a tolerant man, mom to two beautiful daughters, mistress of beagles and cats, lover of mysteries and photography, a survivor of suicide, depression, addiction, and sundry minor ailments. I write for a living and write poetry for life.
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“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” (Art Linkletter)
We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems. (John W. Gardner)
Survival Tip #19
My strength lies solely in my tenacity. (Louis Pasteur)
I'm a recovering Lutheran
"This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road." (Martin Luther)
A Philosophy of Life
“It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible.” Samuel Johnson
Visitors are beautiful people.
My AA Recovery Story
I got sober in 1990 after a life of drug and alcohol addiction, and I had 15 wonderful years. Then I moved and left my homegroup behind. I didn't replace my sponsor, who had died. I didn't work with newcomers, and I went to only one meeting a week. Ultimately, I didn't stay sober. I experienced that strange mental twist, and I picked up. But I jumped back into the program, and my life has continually gotten better. I'm married to a man with 23 years of sobriety, and we work our program at home. AA is the hub the wheel of my life revolves around. I've been able to explore a creative side of my personality that once lived only under the influence of drugs. I have perfect moments during each of my precious days. We are none of us invulnerable to that strange mental twist that precedes the first drink, and all that stands between us and the drink is our constant thought of others. My prayer these days is: God, do your will in and through me today. If I can be an inspiration to others, then my life is rich. God bless you all.
Rosebud on Ice
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. (Anne Bradstreet)